Dear Addie,

I hate this pain and I wish you were here. I can't remember what you felt like, the only thing I do remember is how cold you were and how I wanted to make you warm. How sad yet precious you looked, and praying over you asking for God to bring you back. This pain is unbearable....I feel bad when I don't think about you because I feel like I'm forgetting you. But it hurts so much when you are on my mind. There is a whole in my heart that nothing will every be able to fill. I want you here in my arms. I keep telling people I'm happy when I don't remember what being truly happy feels like. Even the other day when I got to feel it for a couple of hours I forgot it. I just want to be happy again. I want you.

Dear Addie,

It's really hard for me to write letters to you. Cause when I do I get mad at God. I feel like He got my hopes up and got me all excited that I was gonna have a little sister and then he just took you from me. I'm always telling people God has a plan and has a reason for this. But I really don't care I just want you. My little sister. I don't understand and I really really wish I did. I just want to yell and scream. I don't want to live anymore. I want to be with you in Heaven.

Untitled

Something Horrible happened. I woke up Monday morning to my dad telling me that my baby sister passed away while still in my moms tummy it was only 3 days till moms due date. For 2 hours the only thing I could say was "no". I wanted this to all be a dream. I couldn't loose my baby sister. It just couldn't be real. Unfortunately it was. All day Monday I just cried and cried. I didn't know what else to do. I was praying for a miracle and hoping that when she was born her precious heart beat would be back. But it wasn't in His will. I don't understand what His reasoning is for this or why it had to be a precious baby. At about 9 O'clock Monday night Addison was still born. When my dad texted me to tell me I just started balling. There were many tears. My Big sister Beka was here to hold me as well as my older brother Luke. Ellyn was here too. My friends have been an amazing support to me. I was so exhausted and needed sleep. Beka left at about 10:30 pm that is when I went to bed. The next morning we loaded all 9 kids up and headed over to the hospital. When we walked in to the room. Tears filled everyones eyes. Poor Addison so lifeless and helpless. Only a few of us held her. Then Luke took All of the kids home I stayed at the hospital with mom dad and Addison. I held her for an hour and a half. I didn't want to give her up or put her down. This isn't how it's supposed to be. She is supposed to be here in my arms. My parents aren't supposed to be at the funeral home. It felt so wrong leaving her at the hospital. So wrong. I'm homesick for heaven and I wish I was in Heaven with Addison. There were so many things I looked forward to doing with her. That I will never get to do now. Right now Life sucks. I want my little sister, I want her in my arms. That is all that I want.

Addison...I never wanted to leave you. I wanted you to come home with me. :'(

Dear Addison

Dear Addison,
Today the mid-wife left to go deliver a relatives baby. She wont be back till next Friday. If you come while she is gone Mrs.Misty will have to deliver you. Mom isn't to thrilled about the idea of Mrs.Stephanie (The Mid-wife) not being here for your birth. So I am praying that if you come early everything will go well. I know God is in control.

Dear Addison

Dear Addison,
Today while painting my toenails, I was thinking of you. I was thinking of the day I get to paint your nails and toenails <3 Just another thing I look forward too! :) I can't wait for you to be here. I know this was just a tiny little blurb, but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you!

Could Tonight Be The Night?

Dear Addison,
Mom is having a LOT of contractions that are quite painful. You don't seem to like them to much and you freak out when they happen. Maybe you will come into the world tonight? That would be great. I and many others are praying for a safe delivery. We can't wait to meet you baby girl ❤

Still waiting...

Dear Addison,
I really can't wait till the moment you are born into this world. The moment that I get to kiss your precious head,and tell you how much you mean to me.
When I get to gaze into your eyes and be happy that you are mine.
I look forward to you laying on my chest and taking naps. Showing you off to the world and making it known that you are MY little sissy.
being there for your first smile,giggle,laugh. There are so many things I look forward too....But most of all I just want to meet you ❤

Still waiting...

Mom got checked by the mid-wife today, at 12:30pm. She is 3 centimeters dilated :) One third of the way there :) Maybe you will come tonight? I am more then excited right now... It's kinda really hard to contain my happiness :) I can't wait to have a little sister!

Awaiting The Day

I am awaiting the day I get to see your adorable face.

The day that I get to cuddle you.

When I get to take a billion pictures of you.

The day I get to dress you in cute clothes.

Tell you how much I love you.

I have been waiting for this day for 9 months.

I am so ready for it to be here.

Addison Ruth I am ready for my little sister to be here.

I love you more the you will ever know.

<3 Love Sissy.

Letters To Addison...

So as many of you know my name is Alyssa I am 15 years old and LOVE Jesus! I have decided the since my one and only little sister is due any day now, that I would make a blog and right letters to her! Many of my friends right letters to there younger siblings and so I figure I should do it for my little Addison <3 I can't wait to meet her to hold her and to love on her!

I love you Addison, Love Sissy.